Nico's Epic Fails
by BoboTheBookworm
Summary: Nico messes up. A lot. Everyone knows that, right? Right. So here is just three of Nico's epic failures. Laughter will ensue. Rated K, as usual. This one actually isn't as short as the rest of my stories! Miracle, right?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey people! BoboTheBookworm here! This is Nico's Epic Fails! Aren't you excited? If you are, cool! If not, cool! Just keep reading! Whatever you do, DON'T STOP!**

**HUGE shout out to GirlHayley. Awhile ago, she reviewed all of my stories. AND she gave me an idea for another story, which I'll definitely use (not this one, but maybe the next story)! And AphroditeGirl700, don't think I forgot about you. You put me on story alert and author alert (at least, I think you did, right? I don't really feel like opening up my email, where I get all the alerts so I'm doing this off of memory), AND you've reviewed all of my stories, too! I was so happy! Thank you for your guys' support! It means a TON. And everyone else, you guys are really awesome! **

** Anyway, on to the story. And by the way guys, I know I'm not indenting in this story, I'm just feeling really, really lazy.**

**Disclaimer: I'm not Rick Riordan. Get that through your little heads. I also do not own Green Day.**

**Epic Fail #1!**

"Is it just me or is blue Cherry Coke better than normal Cherry Coke?" Percy asked me.

"It's just you," I informed him. He stuck his tongue out at me. _So childish_.

He snorted, "Yeah, _I'm_ childish, while you still play Mythomagic.

_Oops. Did I say that out loud?_

"Yes, you did."

_Seriously?_

"Yep."

"OH, MY GODS! NICO MAKE YOUR BRAIN FUNCTION PROPERLY!" I screamed at myself.

"Wow, Nico! You just used the words "properly" and "function"! Well done!"

I rolled my eyes. "And I do NOT play Mythomagic anymore!"

"Then why do you have the cards sticking out of your pocket?"

My hand went to my pocket immediately. He smirked, "Got you." I gave him one of my signature death glares, son-of-Hades style. He cringed.

"ANYway, blue Cherry Coke is way better," he said, determined to state his opinion, that I really couldn't care less about.

"No, it's not. It's unnatural," I told him, and stalked off.

He followed me, "Well, so are blue chocolate chip cookies, but you _love_ those.

"Well," I said, mocking him, "That's different. Those are _your mom's_ cookies. Her cookies are awesome. I've asked Persephone to make me some… They were just disgusting,"

"Um, what do you expect?" he asked. "She probably poisoned them."

"Oh, gods," I muttered, holding my stomach. Now that I think about it, those cookies did make me kind of queasy… I ran towards the boys' bathroom.

**Epic Fail #2!**

After a few hours of puking, I started to feel better. I washed out my mouth, and went off to find Percy. I found him and said, "I'm baaaack! And I still don't think blue Cherry Coke is any better.

He stuck his tongue out at me again. _So childish._

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"You're speaking your thoughts out loud again."

"Oh, my gods," I muttered, "Why do you hate me Athena?!"

"I don't know. Have you pranked her cabin recently?" he asked.

"No. Wait- Oh yeah… I did plant some spiders in there…" I murmured. "Oh," Percy said, "_That's _what woke me up this morning!"

"Yup. All me."

"Yeah… I wouldn't be proud of that soon. You realize you're gonna die soon, right?"

"Wait, what?" I asked. He sighed, "The Athena cabin is obviously extremely mad, and Annabeth especially…" he trailed off, getting that dreamy look on his face. I sighed.

"Dude, snap out of it!" I shouted, snapping my finger right in front of his face. He shook his head.

"Huh? Oh yeah, anyway, Annabeth's going to murder you- Ah, there she is now." I spun around. Sure enough, there she was, along with a lot more furious Athena children.

"I'd run if I were you." Percy ever so helpfully advised. I gave him a _No duh!_ look and ran.

**-LALALALALALALALA-**

"AHHHHHH!" I screamed. The Athena cabin was chasing me. _Wait a second. Why don't I just shadow-travel away? _I thought. Why didn't I think of that earlier? I ran into the side of a cabin. Unfortunately, I _actually _ran into it. Note to self: Run into the actual _shadow._ I fell to the ground with a thud, and everything went black.

**- OOOH, I SEE MY FRIEND'S UNICORN, CHARLIE, HE'S GONNA LEAD YOU GUYS TO THE NEXT PART! -**

"Uhhh…" I groaned when I woke up. I lifted my hand to rub my eyes. Or at least, attempted to. I realized my hands were tied. When did that happen? Suddenly, I remembered what happened earlier today. Or was it yesterday? How long had I been out? _HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE I HAD MY LAST COOKIE?_

"Look who's up. Finally." I heard someone say. I jerked my head around. Annabeth, Malcolm, and the other Athena kids were standing there. My eyes widened. I did the only thing I could.

"HELP ME! THALIA! PERCY! CHIR-" They slapped one of the most essential tools for demigod heroes- duct tape- onto my mouth. **(A/N Anyone catch that? Eh? Eh? No? Whatever…) **

"Mmm-hmm-mhm-hmm!" I shouted. They just laughed.

"I'm sorry, what, Nico?" asked one girl, Maddy, I think. "I couldn't understand you." I glared at her, and she smirked.

"Alright, alright, Madeline, that's enough," _Close enough._ "Now, Nico, if we take the tape off to question you, you swear on the river Styx you won't call for help?" asked one kid. He looked at me, expectantly.

I nodded eagerly. Malcolm stepped up and ripped off the tape. I couldn't help it. I screamed. "_Shut up!_" Annabeth hissed. I whimpered.

"Good," she continued, "Now, _why_ did you put s-sp-spiders in our cabin?" she asked, stuttering on the word _spiders_.

A thought formed in my head. "It w-wasn't me!" I acted scared, which wasn't hard, "It was the Stolls! They were mad at you guys for ratting them out last time!"

Annabeth glared at me, "We're not idiots, Nico. We're pretty much lie detectors." The others nodded.

"You can't tell when Percy lies to you." I muttered. _Wait…_

"Percy's lied to me?" Annabeth yelled.

"Whaaaat? No! W-why would you think that? Heh… heh… Please don't hurt me!

"Agh!" she stormed out, most likely to kick ol' Kelp Head's butt. While the cabin got out of her way, I took the chance and screamed for my sister ( 1] Technically, I didn't swear on the river Styx, I just nodded, and 2] Did I forget to mention I had a new sister? I found out a couple months ago.)

"KAITLYN! HELP ME!" She was there in a flash, before you could say "dumb blonde". _Heh, heh, _I thought, _Bet the Athena kids _hate _that term._

"Nico! What the heck happened?" she yelled.

"Isn't it obvious? They kidnapped me! Now, untie me!" She glared at me. "_Why _did they kidnap you?" she asked. _Why didn't she just untie me yet?_

"I put spiders in their cabin! Now UNTIE ME!" "Nico, how dare you?" she scolded, but she untied me. Then, she slapped me. FIVE TIMES!

"WHAT THE HECK? KAITLYN!" I shouted at her. "You don't do that, you idiot!" she shrieked at me.

"I'M SORRY! I WAS, LIKE, DYING OF BOREDOM!"

"SO YOU DECIDE TO SCARE THEM OUT OF THEIR WITS? WHAT THE HADES IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"I TOLD YOU, DON'T USE DAD'S NAME AS SLANG!"

"I DON'T CARE!"

"GUYS!"

We looked at Malcolm. "I hate to interrupt your little siblings quarrel-" I stared at him blankly. He sighed, "A quarrel is a small fight or argument. Anyway, we still need to punish Nico."

"Fine by me!" Kaitlyn said, and bolted.

"_Wait!_ Who's gonna help me?!"

"No one." One said, and stepped forward. By now, Annabeth was back. I cowered in fear. "P-please, n-n-no!"

They towered over me. "HELP!" I screamed

Just then, something pounded on the door. _I'M SAVED!_

Chiron opened the door. "Children, _what _is going on here?"

"Chiron!" I lunged for him and hugged him, which was kinda awkward, considering he's half horse. "T-they kidnapped me! They were about to kill me!"

"Annabeth, explain this," he said.

"Nico put hundreds of sp-sp-spiders in here-"

"Only thirty…" I muttered

"-And it freaked us out," she finished.

He sighed. Poor guy. He had to deal with this kind of stuff all the time. "Nico, you must do dishes for a week, and everyone else, your curfew just dropped an hour for the next week."

_That's it? For kidnapping me?! _I huffed and stormed off to find Kaitlyn.

**-Charlie da Unicorn is baaaaaack!-**

I found her hanging out with Thalia (the Hunters were staying here while Artemis found new recruits). I stomped up to them. They were listening to Green Day.

"Gee, thanks for having my back earlier," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. Thalia raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"He decided that he had to plant some spiders in the Athena cabin, so they kidnapped him of course. He called for my help so I came, and then I saw what was going on and I left," Kaitlyn explained, all in one breath.

"Ohhh. NICO!" Thaila stood up and slapped me. Gods, can't they give me a break? "Thalia!"

"Yes?" She looked at me innocently. I glared at her

"Oh, and by the way, Nico, I'm taking your TV away for two weeks," Kaitlyn informed me.

"I'm _older _than you!"

"I don't care."

"But Kali!" I exclaimed, using my nickname for her, whenever I'm begging.

"Too bad, Nico. It's either that or I take away-"

"OOOH! American Idiot!" Thalia screeched. "Oooh, yay! Shoo, Nico," Kaitlyn said. I groaned and left.

**Epic Fail #3!**

I decided to go find Percy again. I found him in the sword arena. He was practicing with that Hephaestus girl, Jo.

"Hey, sup?" I nodded at them. Percy got distracted for a second, and Jo disarmed him.

"Wow, Percy. Not only was the Hero of Olympus defeated, but by a _girl!_" Jo stepped forward and punched me in the gut. Suddenly, Hazel, Piper, Ella (not the Harpy), Kaitlyn, Annabeth, Reyna, and Thalia appeared and punched me as well. I landed on the ground.

"Oh, and the 'Ambassador of Pluto' was beaten up by _six _girls," Hazel said. Percy laughed at me, but started to help me up.

"Percy!" Annabeth exclaimed, and he dropped me back to the ground and stepped back. He grinned apologetically behind Annabeth. I just glared at him. Ella saw this and punched him in the shoulder. (Gods, these girls are violent!) Ella is a daughter of Poseidon, by the way. We found her after the war against the giants, in England. We'd stopped there to grab some supplies on the way back.

So yeah, I was getting beaten up by girls. This sucked.

**(A/N) Done! I got writer's block about a hundred times…couldn't focus… I can see why Rick takes so long. I changed the topic, then changed it back, then changed it back to this. But after a month, I finally finished it! (I wrote all of these stories before I actually got my Fanfiction account. But now, I'm all caught up.) Gods, I feel hyper. Even though I feel sick. Whatever.**


	2. Chapter 2

** NOT A CHAPTER! Guys, I'm disappointed with the amount of reviews. I got three reviews on my last story- and two on the one before that. What does it mean? Is my work getting worse? Should I vary my work? Should I write less comedy, and write different stuff instead? Should I write about another series? I'm not going to write anymore stories until I get at least 5 reviews. I'm not limiting it to this story, I mean for all my stories. Not like 5 each, I mean total... I've gotta stop rambling. Anyway, in those 5 reviews (or more!), I need ideas. I've had writer's block for about two months now (like I said before, I already had all these stories written down, now I've finished posting those) and I NEED HELP! Plus, I've been sick for the past week so that makes my brain function even less. **

**ANYWAY, on your mark,**

**Get set,**

**REVIEW!**


	3. Author's Note

**_THIS IS JUST AN AUTHOR'S NOTE, BUT IT IS IMPORTANT!_**** PEOPLE! I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT! I'm going to continue this story! BUT. I need ideas. Review or PM me some of your ideas if you have any. GRACIAS! I LOVE YOU ALL SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO(Add about a kajillion for O's) MUCH! I am SO sorry I haven't updated. I've had writer's block, and I know that's kind of a lousy excuse for ****_The Bobo Show, _****because it's not really a story, but again, I'm SUPER sorry. Just please stay with me and help me out!**

**P.S. I saw the This Is Us premiere a week ago. And I was just getting over my fangirl feels for them...**


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